So, I am finding that as time (WAAAAAAY too much time) is going by in this divorce, people are getting bolder about the questions that they ask me. The funny thing is, I don’t mind. I am a very open person, perhaps too open. I don’t mind sharing my stories, thoughts or experiences. I just don’t want to bog people down. I also don’t want to become one of those people that always is venting and complaining, especially if nothing is changing. However, if someone asks, I don’t mind being a straight shooter. So, just be warned, if you ask a straight question, you will get an honest answer 🙂
Anyway, now that this whole thing has been going on for so long, people are naturally curious about what is going on. It is funny. I can see it on their faces as we are talking. They are dying to ask the question, but feel it inappropriate. We have all been there on one occasion or another. I find that once I mention something about divorce, it opens the flood gate of questions. It is kind of comical actually to watch people as you KNOW they want to know, but don’t know how to ask.
I tend to get two questions more than anything else. The first question is a bit bold in asking why. Sure that is a reasonable question. We always want to know what breaks down that bond that you think will or should last forever. However, I won’t go into that one here.
The second question is always the house. “So, what is going on with your house?” “So do you get to keep the house?” “What are you going to do with the house?” It is like the entire world is chomping at the bit to claim dibs on my house.
As it goes however, the house is the HUGE pawn in my divorce. Funny enough, we both want the same basic thing, but it just isn’t working. Here is the story. For those of you that are not interested, stop reading. This is boring.
Here is the low down, nitty gritty, whatever.
When people ask about the house now, they get the answer. He wants the house. Yes, he wants this glorious estately manor all to himself. Are your jaws dropping yet? If they aren’t, they should be. The response that I usually get from people is always the same. A complete and total dumbfounded look. Let me explain why.
For those of you that don’t know where I live, which I assume is most of you, my house is cute, but nothing to go to war over. It is large (for me) at about 4000 sq. ft. It has 6 bedrooms, 4 upstairs, lots of levels (around 7 I believe) and sits on 1/3 acre which is a bit beefy for my little suburbia. Sounds awesome doesn’t it. Well, on paper, the house is great, but…. well, come over and I will point out the flaws. The house is in need of some
major repairs. It is has good bones and lots of potential, but there are so many things that need help that it makes it a burden instead of a relief. Oh, and did I mention that with the economic and real estate crash, we are upside down on it. I think that people are left wondering why a single man wants a house this size all to himself.
You see, a year ago, when we were in court for a temporary orders hearing (YES!!!! A YEAR AGO!!!) the courts granted me the house temporarily, but put the financial burden on me. I decided at that time that I wanted out. I would rather move to a condo or townhouse and downsize considerably, move away and start fresh then to have such a huge burden on my hands. So, I contacted my realtor and figured out a plan to sell the house. At that time, there was a small amount of equity in the house. We could get out of the house, split the equity, pay off any remaining debt that we had and both start fresh.
However, I had apparently called his bluff. He wanted the house and fought to keep it. In retrospect, it was in my best interest. It kept me home for the last year with my kids as he tried (unsuccessfully) refinance the house. I started to scramble at the end of this year knowing that I would have to put the house up for sale. Then, I got invaluable advice. He has been paying everything up to this point, mostly because he is completely convinced that I am bluffing on this whole divorce thing and that I will eventually change my mind and take him back. I was counseled to take advantage of his attitude and have him continue this arrangement for a minimum of a year so that he can continue to try to refinance. He needs to come to the realization on his own that he doesn’t want to continue to pay for the house.
Believe it or not, he bought it. He is ready to die for this little piece of property. He accepted our terms of keeping me in this house for another year and paying the bills on it while he tried to refinance it yet again. Now, this isn’t my ideal situation. I would rather go somewhere new where people don’t know me, but it may be in the best interest of the kids. Hopefully, this year will go quickly and I will be able to work out the details of what I am going to do next year. At least I have some time to work it all out.
Now, if I can just figure out something I can do with my Master’s Degree and my dumb little talents to turn a profit!!!