Two weeks ago, I posted a post which bore my heart and soul out about the situation that I am finding myself in.  I had thought through the post and put out there some really sensitive feelings that are close to my heart.  This was MY story from MY point of view.  It was a step towards my own healing and moving forward.  I have some pretty insane issues going on in my life.  Even though they may be minute in the eyes of others, they had culminated into a giant snowstorm in the tiny little snowglobe that is my life. 

When I finished my post and hit the publish button, I felt a sense of peace that I was able to vent some of my pent up thoughts and concerns.  In the past, the blog has been my outlet and my sounding board to life.  I haven’t been very concerned as there are really very few people that visit, let alone show interest in my blog.  In fact, I am certain that no one in my family even remembers the address to my blog.  I find it charming that my life is so darned lack luster.  There are perks to that.

Well, my voice went out into the world and was seen by a total of 15 people…. three of them were me from different computers.  Interestingly enough, I received a few texts and emails in response to my blog post.  They were of love, support and letting me know that they were behind me.  They knew of what I have been going through and truly understood the angst of my heart and head.  I was told that my no holds barred approach was refreshing and needed.  I was so happy.  I was grateful that my post had come across as I had intended.  That people saw where my heart was and that I was trying to do my very best. 

Unfortunately, within 24 hours, I received a message of severe disgust and disparaging remarks.  They were sent by one person, but apparently represented a larger group of people.  I was crushed.  I felt that I had finally put my thoughts out there.  I had found a way to help work through some of the issues that I have been facing.  I had no idea that the post could be taken in such a different manner than it was intended, let alone conjure up such intense emotions that warranted an outlashing of negative expression.  I didn’t sleep that night and cried my way through most of it. 

As much as it pained me to do it, the post has been put away for the time being.  I felt as though I was packing up a part of me, my experience, and my lessons as I go through this journey. 

I do not want to go into the specifics of the negative feedback.  I wish that those that had taken issues had talked to me about it personally instead of rallying their cause to a spokesperson.   I want to move forward from here and take advice from those that were loving, kind and supportive.  I have meant absolutely no malice to anyone in any of the posts that I have composed over the last 6 years of writing.  I will stand behind that.

I will say this.  This is my blog.  This is my voice to me, to those who care and those who want to help me smile my way through this maze of a life.  These are my feelings and my experiences, from my perspective and in my voice.  I do not claim to be perfect.  I do not claim to be right.  I do not claim to have all the answers.  I just know that I am an imperfect person in an imperfect situation doing the very best that I know how, in the situation that I am in, with the knowledge that I have and the tools that I acquired.  If I am doing my best, then I am ok with me.  That is REALLY hard for me to say, because I know how far I am from perfect, but in all reality, if we are doing our best, how much more can we do.