Over the weekend I was having a conversation with a friend concerning divorce. She has a family member that is going through a divorce and wanted to know if I was open to talking about mine so that she could get some insight. I am always willing to chat about mine, as I learned a lot, and in retrospect can see things so much clearer than when I was going through them myself. The phrase “dodging a bullet” was mentioned a few times. It reminded me of an experience.
Last summer, I started chatting with an acquaintance of mine at the time. He had never been married, but desperately desired to someday be married. I asked him why he had never married. He proceeded to tell me his story.
He had once been in love and engaged to the love of his life. They had the ring, the date, the dress and everything else. However, soon before the wedding things just weren’t working out and he called off the wedding. It broke his heart, but he knew it wasn’t going to work.
He said though in retrospect, he felt that he had dodged a bullet. She was a little crazy. She was high maintenance and required a lot. She had been through two marriages and was single again and he was glad that didn’t work out because she apparently didn’t have her life figured out. He had trust issues after having dated her and didn’t want to move forward with anyone until he knew for sure that she was sound.
I have to say, I felt sorry for the guy. We talked for a little bit about people that we didn’t click with and why. I am a sucker for a quick wit and intelligence. He made me laugh and think and we had a great conversation.
The Other Story Time
The next day I went to the park with one of my best friends. We talked about what was going on and I mentioned that I started up a conversation with someone knew. I told her how funny he was and he had a pretty intense story, etc. She asked his name…. I told her…. and her jaw dropped open in complete surprise. She looked at me and reminded me that she had once been engaged and broke it off earlier in life. Well, you guessed it, he was the famed affianced.
The bullet that was so gratefully dodged by said man was indeed my good friend, who had her side of the story, that I had heard portions of over the years. And, may I add, was completely different than his version. She was very kind about him, and although didn’t go into a lot of detail, told me some, but never in a manner in which to throw him under the bus. However, this situation was made worse by the fact that they were still very good friends and he had told her many times that he wished that they could get back together.
Oh, what a pickle to be placed in. As it went on, she talked to him about the things that I had told her (at the time I didn’t know the connection) and confronted him on what was said. He later came back to apologize. However, the thing that got to her the most was the phrase, “Dodged a Bullet.”
So, after my conversation yesterday, I shot back to that phrase and how it was used to describe my good friend. I couldn’t help but wonder how many times someone has used to that phrase to describe me. I wondered what words would pack the punch behind that high caliber bullet.
I know that in a break up or ending of a relationship, everyone wants to come out looking like the good guy. I know that everyone, regardless as to who carried the majority of the burden of fault, wants to be painted in the best light possible. However, sometimes people choose to make themselves look better in that position by shooting down the other person.
I am sure that if you were to ask one of my exes they could come up with reasons that I would be considered a bullet. I could list them, but I will let you just sit and wonder for a while. And, if you are someone that I have previously dated, been married to, or had interactions with (K- I sound super lame saying that) then you can fill everyone in on the details.
So, my point…. In my adult life I have dodged, been grazed by, and been full on hit in the heart by different caliber bullets. I have had learned a lot about others, and a lot about myself. I have learned what I need to avoid in the future and what parts of myself I need to improve upon.
So just as a thought, the next time someone is described as a bullet, remember there are two sides of that bullet, the one that pierces, and the one that reacts to shoot it forward. Just make sure you look to see from where the bullet originates, and it should give you a much better indication of it’s damage potential.