With having so much come into play and having so many things line up in order for me, I don’t know how I can deny the hand of the Lord in all of this. I really can’t. I finally decided that the big guns were coming out and that I had to go to the temple again with the intention of praying for strength, courage and determination. People scoff but, they don’t understand how hard it is to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. It is extremely tough. It has been a huge battle.
I called M on a Monday and asked her to go to the temple with me on Tuesday. H was already taking the kiddos and it was a night that I didn’t have plans. She jumped at the opportunity. She is a great friend and I love going to the temple with her. She is really good at doing her geneology and found a name for me to do. We have gone to the temple before and I have been able to be very attentive and alert during the sessions. In fact, the previous time I was praying about whether or not I was making the right decision. I had the most distinct thought come into my head that I had to go through this now because the person that I was supposed to marry would be ready at the same time that I was. What does that mean? I do not now. I remember turning to M and telling her that I was making the right decision and she tells me that I had a glowing countenance.
However, this last time that we went to the temple together, I had a very hard time concentrating on the session. I had so many things going through my head. I had so many ideas and concerns and thoughts that I just couldn’t get rid of. I prayed for focus and determination. I know that that day I received an amazing feeling though. It was all consuming and powerful. I have never felt anything so strong in my life. I KNOW that I am making the right decision. It was no coincidence.
The next day and A/C guy came to my home to help me figure out the cost of a new system. We chatted for a bit and asked me something that I don’t really remember and I mentioned that I was separated and getting ready to file for divorce. Later on in the process he asked me if he could ask a personal question. I of course said ok. He told me that his sister was at the beginning of a divorce but that she lived in Colorado. More than anything else in the world, he wanted to help her but has no idea what to do. He asked for my advice as to what he could do and what was helping me.
We continued talking and I went into a little bit about my situation and some of the things that I was dealing with. It turns out that this A/C guy was on the high counsel in his stake and sees a lot of problems like mine come through his stake. I told him that I was worried that I was making such a huge decision that I thought was necessary but that was so much against the teachings of the church. He told me to be careful what I said. He told me that no, the church does not teach divorce but that the church teaches that man is to have joy and happiness. He told me that if we are in a situation that is not good to get out. He said that porn is a wicked drug and that it will eternally mess with someone’s head. However, unlike drugs, it is different. With a drug, a person can decide to not inject themselves and deal with the withdraw. However, with porn, it is in the brain to stay and it can only be overcome through a completely contrite spirit and through the power of the Atonement.
So, if that isn’t a man inspired by God coming into my path, tell me who is. I mean really. He told me to find myself a better situation. He told me to leave while my children were small and resilient. He was so kind and understanding and even gave me a discount.
Having two such earth shattering moments in two days was absolutely amazing.