After nearly two years of separation, my divorce has now been finalized. I have tried to keep much of my feelings and thoughts out of the public and off of facebook and off of this blog. The past two years have been extremely trying and challenging for me. At times, I thought that it was just too much for me to handle. However, I knew that the choices that were being made were the right ones. I will never ever doubt that.
As part of the divorce education class that is mandatory in Utah, they recommend sending a letter to family and friends to help people understand what is going on. Although I think that this is a bit of a moot point seeing as we have been separated for so long, I do want to briefly clarify and open up about what is going on.
Yesterday, I changed my marital status on facebook from blank to single. I received an overwhelming amount of feedback and positive comments from so many people. For me, it was a way to have a little bit of closure on a part of my life. I had no idea that it would rally such strength and love from those around me. I do realize that it did catch some people by surprise. I didn’t anticipate such an overwhelming reaction. So, in response, I took the posting off of my wall and I am placing this blog post up instead.
I wanted to express my love for all of you, my friends and family, who have stood by my side, held my hand, let me cry, vent and sound off. Thank you for reserving judgement and for being as neutral as you could.
I want to let it be known that the kiddos are doing well. We both feel extremely blessed that they have been able to make the transition almost seamlessly. I am not trying to argue that divorce is good for children, but as far as coping, I can’t imagine that the kiddos could be doing much better all things considered. Although they are coping well, they are dealing with the loss of a complete family in the home. Both their dad and I are wholly committed to helping them through this and we are making a conscious effort to make their lives as normal as possible. We are trying our best to resolve our disagreements and issues privately and to openly treat each other with kindness and consideration. We want to protect them from any more of our conflicts.
We both want to be good role models for our children. In this life, we all suffer losses, but our growth will come in how we handle these painful situations. My goal is to now show them that people can end relationships in one sense and shift the relationship to something different. Although we will no longer be married, we can show them that we can be cordial and kind, and businesslike when necessary.
I want to thank you for being sensitive to their feelings and being cautious about what you say to them and around them. They know that they are loved by all of you and your kindness is helping them be stronger. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.
I want to thank you for your love, concern and willingness to accept this decision. I know that it can be painful to watch a family change like this. I am sorry if this decision has disappointed or hurt you, or even if you simply disagree with this decision. Please know that we are both trying our best to do the right thing.
There is no need to take sides in this divorce because we are trying to be united as parents to our children. In any relationship, there are always two sides to the story. We did not decide to get married with the expectation that we would end up divorced, but things happen. It is complicated and hard, but we are trying our hardest to get through it as best we can.
Thank you all so much for being such an amazing support system to me. This is all for the best and it is the right thing for us.