There is a book called, “The 5 Love Languages.” It talks about how people show and receive love. There is a quiz that accompanies it that helps you decipher your love language. Each question presents two scenarios and you pick which one makes you feel more loved.
In a prior blog post I discussed struggling as I took the quiz. As each question is presented, I can’t help but compare them to past experience. I immediately compare the question to what I have already experienced. The funny thing is that I have positive experiences and negative experiences attached to each one.
The result my applying background knowledge to the quiz was that I had a really hard time answering each question. I would think that in theory I would like one of the answers, but when thinking to my past, could not decide between the two options given.
The reason that I struggled with the questions is because of the motive behind it. I liked the options, but in the end, it was a hard choice. I attached experiences to each of the questions and would come out differently on the quiz every single time. Also, I realized that the way that I show love falls into all categories, not just one.
Over this past weekend, I had an epiphany. All of those 5 love languages are effective, however only when combined with the elements of thoughtfulness and sincerity. That is the difference. That is my love language…. thoughtfulness.
I love to have quality time with someone, but it is different if they are present with me. I love to be validated, but not as a means to superficially advance a relationship or as a means of artificial flattery. I think giving or receiving something from someone is always so sweet. When I give a gift, it is because I was thinking of them or saw something that inspired me. Past experiences have led me to not enjoy gifts or acts of service as they have so often had a hefty price tag attached to them.
So, to me, love languages finally make sense. I enjoy them all, but that isn’t what speaks to me. That isn’t what at the end of the day takes meaning. It is knowing that I am someone’s mind. It is getting the text or phone call saying that I am on their mind. It is holding my hand in private and public situations. It is telling me that I am doing ok in what I am trying to accomplish. Not because they have to, but because I AM loved!!!!