One of my church callings is to teach relief society. Our stake employs the team teaching method. This means that two people teach the same lesson on the same day at the same time. This is still taking a lot of getting used to but then again, so is relief society. I have been in Primary since I graduated from high school.
Today the lesson was entitled “Standing Fast Through the Storms of Life.” I know that there is a reason that I was supposed to teach this lesson. In this life, we are all given unique challenges and trials that we have to deal with. Over the past several weeks, my trials have been quite the burden and I have been trying to find ways to cope. I know that when compared to others, my trials may seem small and mundane but, in my little life, they have seemed heavy and at times unmanagable.
I am having a hard time trying to deal with Kaeson’s outbursts and his out of control behaviors. I have recently learned that this can be related to his very poor vision. But, what if it isn’t? Also, as many of you know, I have two estranged siblings. It has really been tearing me apart that I don’t know where they are or what they are up to. I have felt a heavy weight on my heart carrying these burdens. Then today, I found relief. Small, maybe temporary but I did find relief.
As part of our lesson, my partner went on to discuss her experiences raising a difficult child and not knowing what to do. She tested and tried everything. Finally and after a long time in struggling, she realized that she had to release it to the Lord. In life, there are times where we have to let it go and put all of our faith in the Lord and take our days one at a time. Turning it over to the Lord does not mean give up. It means that we put Him in charge, release the burden from ourselves and work moment to moment and day to day to make it the best that we can. By doing this, she found peace and found that she had the strength to not only endure each day but enjoy each day. For me, that was such an inspiration.
I look so much at the big picture in that my dear sweet Kaeson is out of control, anxious and emotional that I do not pay as much attention to the small break throughs and fun moments that we have. I think that if I move the burden of his struggles elsewhere and concentrate on making the most of each moment, I will be a happier person and that will in turn help him be a happier person.
Today in my lesson, I briefly explained that a I was estranged from two of my siblings. This has torn me apart because I was so extremely close to both of them. Not a day goes by that I have not thought about this situation and I have often wondered if I made the right choice. After much prayer and pondering I have concluded that if you do the very best that you know how to do given the tools that you have been given and the situations that have been provided, you can stand blameless knowing that you have done all that you could. Unfortunately, we don’t know why we have to go through what we do, we just have to have faith that it will all work out in the end.
After the lesson, a wonderful lady came up to me and put her arm around me and said, “Sister Franco, you have to let it go. You did the right thing by standing up for truth. It was their decision to leave and cut off contact. You have to let it go and let the Lord do His part. Take your concerns to Him in prayer and then let it go.” I melted into a ball of tears and knew that what she was saying was the truth. Apparantly, she had gone through a similar experience years earlier and through her trial that is what she had learned. It is what helped her and her situation did eventually resolve.
I think that today, a prayer was answered and a small part of my heart was healed. I stand here with open arms to welcome them back if and when they ever choose to do so. However, in the mean time, I will learn to let go.
For those of you that read this, thank you for indulging me. I don’t often write of things of this sort and this was a struggle for me. I do not journal write so, my blog is my notebook for the things of my heart and today, I felt that I needed to share what has been my biggest ah ha moment in a long time.