Friday evening I got an email from the school that was at the top of my list saying that the position that I was interested in was still available and that I had a fantastic interview and that the principal would be in touch with me early this week. I was so excited an thought that with the wording of the email, that it was a way to keep me from accepting a different job.
This morning, just as school started, I got an email stating that she had gone a different direction and wished me luck. I was really taken aback as in the prior email, she stated things in such a hopeful manner. Now, I know that things happen for a reason. I get that. I was just disappointed that this turned out the way it did.
This was kind of my idea teaching position. It was literally four minutes from my house and the bell schedule completely lined up with my son’s bell schedule giving us really no lapse in between. It was perfect. Too perfect. I was talking to a friend on Friday about the job and we both agreed that the email sounded very hopeful, but I was afraid to get my hopes up, because perfect never works out in my favor. I have a really hard time with getting my hopes up for things that would be perfect, because they really never tend to work out.
My friend gave me a bit of a lecture saying that I need to have hope and faith. I was teased that I needed to be hopeful and positive and sometimes perfect is perfect. So, I did. I read into it all and figured that I was FINALLY catching a break. I honestly couldn’t think of a better situation.
It is really hard to ever believe that perfect will work out, because in my case, it never does. It works out, but never perfectly. I get that our perfect isn’t always HIS perfect, but sometimes I wish that they aligned. When things that seem like they should just come together seamlessly, and then they don’t, my mind immediately goes to self doubt and a lack of self worth, wondering what I have done to not have the blessing of perfect. It is an attitude adjustment that I need to make.
Now, to pick my moping self up off the ground, dust myself off and try again.