Every so often, I am part of a conversation where something is said to me that makes a permanent impact on my soul and the words that are spoken become burned onto my heart. These are moments that I treasure and I share when it is applicable.
About a year ago, I was dealing with a situation that seems to come up frequently in my life. I was discouraged as I was being told by someone in my life that I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t measuring up. I know that I am not perfect and I do not claim to be perfect, but sometimes being told over and over where you weaknesses are can get overwhelming and leave a very heavy burden.
After two marriages that didn’t go well, I was learning to stand up for myself and to not be treated poorly. I was trying to be strong if I saw a problem, address it instead of letting it fester. I was learning to be a stronger women. It was hard for me, as I have spent my entire life in the position of having to accept the way I was being treated without question. To be quite honest, for a good portion of it, I didn’t realize how toxic some things had gotten.
I started to venture out and be social again. I gained a new circle of friends. I started being “Darci” again. However, not long after I began my social ventures, I found myself in the same type of cycle that I did before. As I discovered myself in these situations, I would start to stand up for myself I would tell someone that I didn’t appreciate how I was being treated or talked to. I would tell people that I didn’t enjoy being lied to. I told people that I felt manipulated. I wasn’t doing this in a mean way, but more to express my opinion and to finally stand up for me and try to make relationships stronger instead of toxic, as that had been in my prior life. I tried to do it with concern and with honesty and sincerity in hopes to make things better. I tried to put what I had learned in my own therapy to use.
It was interesting and extremely discouraging to me that as soon as I started expressing my thoughts, I started getting stark and stabbing responses. “Who else will treat you as well as I do?” “Who else does as much for you as I do?” “Who else would put up with you the way you are?” I was told that I didn’t spend enough time out with friends and that if I wanted to keep my friendships, I was going to have to leave my kids and hang out with them. My kids needed to learn independence. The list went on and on. It hurt deeply because not only was I trying to communicate effectively and express my feelings, but these responses came from people that I cared a great deal for.
I called my best friend upset and crying saying that I knew that I wasn’t anything special. I knew that I didn’t have the best body, face, personality or overall good looks. I knew that I didn’t have a great income. I knew that I had two failed marriages and that that was a huge insecurity and ding against my self confidence. I knew that I had a LOT of shortcomings and flaws. However, I told him that despite all that I wasn’t, that I knew that I also wasn’t ALL bad. I felt like in the long run I did have something to offer, but the world just thought otherwise.
Half way through my blubbering, my dear, sweet, amazing friend stopped me… “Darci Darci Darci. You have it all wrong. You are amazing. You have SO much going for you. You don’t see it the way we men see it. Let me tell you what I think.Then, came the most impactful analogy I have ever heard and it has stuck with me ever since.
You are like a Lamborghini on a show room floor. You are bright, shiny and have all the bells and whistles. You are what men want and what they have pictured in their heads for a very long time. Here is what happens though.
Men come in looking for a Lamborghini because that is what they deserve in their minds. They deserve the bright shiny model and in their head. However, they don’t have the money for it. They are on a Toyota Corolla budget. So, instead of working hard and saving and putting the Lamborghini as their goal, they come in and try to schmooze the salesperson.
They circle the perfect car and find every single flaw that they can find trying to devalue the car to knock the price down. There is a tiny dent in the paint. The door squeaks a little if you open it just so. The gear shift is a little stiffer than they would care for. The pedals are a teensy too close together. The color isn’t EXACTLY the color stated. The seats don’t adjust to the exact position that is desired.
You see, if they can finagle enough and get the salesperson to see their point, they will get their dream car for a lot less money, work and effort than what it is really worth. Instead of seeing what the car is really worth and making themselves worthy of having that car, they prefer to devalue the car as much as they possibly can. In the end, he knows EXACTLY what he is getting, which is a car of enormous value that many men would LOVE to have. Funny thing is that the salesperson is grateful just to get it off the lot because of its obvious poor condition.
Here is the thing… You are not perfect. No one is. We all have little things that keep us from being perfect. However, you are worth EVERY SINGLE PENNY of your showroom sticker price. Don’t let some idiot come in and make you think that you are worth any less. You are worth someone “saving up for” whether it be friends, family or anyone that you would ever choose to let into your life. You know what you need to fix, and that is fine. Work on that. However do not ever let anyone else EVER devalue you for their own selfish gains. You are worth more than that, and those of us on the outside know that.
This has been one of the most impactful conversations that I have ever had in my life. It came from someone who truly had nothing to gain from the conversation, but loved me for who I was. It applies to every single one of us and the value that we put on ourselves. We may be too focused on our little dings and squeaks, but we are amazing and worth so much more. We shouldn’t let people haggle over what we are presenting. We should be strong and not let someone’s opinion of us make us lower our worth.
In the end, if we continue to make the small adjustments that we feel that we need to and stand strong in what we deserve, we will find that there are people who see our worth and think that they are getting a steal of a deal…. paying FULL STICKER PRICE 🙂