We hit 9 years a couple of weeks ago. I was hoping to avoid all of it. However, I do know H very well and I know that he doesn’t do much but, he really plays up anniversaries, Christmas and my birthday. During the rest of the year, not much. But those days are always a bit more. I thought that he would really try to do something however since he did try to make Valentines Day really romantic. Good thing I got my sister and kiddos involved on that one.
I had a girls night out planned for the Saturday before my anniversary. H did ask me the Monday before what my weekly plans were. I told him and mentioned the GNO. He got immediately mopey and martyrish. I didn’t say anything. On Wednesday, H again asked me what my plans were for the weekend. I told him the same thing that I had before.
He then announced that he had been planning a surprise for our anniversary and told me to break my plans with my friends. I told him that I couldn’t. I told him that I had already made plans. He got very angry and upset and was trying very hard to guilt me into doing what he wanted to do. He told me that I obviously didn’t care about him, our marriage or the significance of the event.
He was upset and angry that I didn’t drop my plans for him. However, I can not tell you how many times in the past he has refused to drop is plans or I have given in not wanting to make him feel bad. You see, I am very driven by guilt and it really buries down into my core. That is something that I am desperately working on now days.
He asked again on Friday if I would please drop my plans. This was very tough for me. I didn’t want to make him feel bad and I didn’t want to do or not do something that I would regret later on. I knew though that the only reason that he was asking me to go out with him was because it was a date on the calendar. Things would be a much different scenario if he had put in any effort over the past 8 months. It would have been much different if he had talked to me about it in advance. However, he was crushed that I would not bow to his whims and do what he wanted to do. Part of my was just dying because I didn’t know what to do but, really didn’t want to go. There are so many things that need to be discussed or worked out before that can happen. However, I dare say that we are far past that at this point.
So, Saturday went by without much of a hitch except for the fact that H refused to talk to me and was EXTREMELY belligerent. He was so mean in fact that I was stunned. I can’t imagine that anyone would treat someone else that way. Especially considering the fact that I wouldn’t go out with him and do what he wanted to do.
Monday was the actual anniversary. I didn’t hear from him the whole day. He did send flowers though. I will say that I am tired of getting flowers from him because they only come when there are negative feelings. There was a card attached that said, “I will love you always and forever.” It makes me mad because if he really did love me like that, he would act a completely different way.
Sunday H asked me to go out on our actual anniversary. I told him that I just couldn’t because of the way things are right now. He FLIPPED. We had been trying to have a civil discussion about finances and budgets and how I am the root cause of all of our financial difficulties. It has nothing to do with him of course. He was civil until the question about the anniversary. Then I had to ask him to leave the house because he was scaring me again.
That day, my sister took off work to babysit for me so that I could have some pretty extensive dental stuff done. That was an adventure in and of itself. I have a very strange body that reacts very interestingly to anesthetic. After I came home from the dentist, we went to Ikea. It was a great way to spend my day. On the way home, H kept calling and I finally answered. In a VERY rude tone, he asked where I was. I told him that we were on our way home and just pulling into the neighborhood.
We pulled up and he was in his car. He got out, didn’t say a word to me or my sister and stormed into the house. He went directly to the restroom (his M.O. when he is mad) and stayed there for half and hour. When he finally did come out, I tried to be kind and thanked him for the flowers. He didn’t even acknowledge that I was standing there. He mentioned to me that there was a phone call from the roof and then quickly added that he shouldn’t have told me that. The roof is where we had our wedding dinner. Manipulative.
After an hour of hanging around and not speaking to me, he sat in the corner of the kitchen and just stared me down. I finally went up to him and tried to engage him in a conversation. He wanted to know what I was doing with the A/C unit. I told him that I thought that we needed to go with the newer model since the old one was outlawed. He told me that if we were going to sell the house in 6 months that he was going to put in the cheap one. I told him that I was not planning on selling the house for 4 years. That is my timeline and my plan. He got very agitated and told me that he would not consider that because HE wasn’t going to live with HIS parents forever and that HE would have to find a place to live. Apparently he doesn’t care where the kids and I live. As long as HE is happy… great!
He was being such a total jerk and saying things to purposely hit me in my heart and make me feel terrible about things. On our actual anniversary. Ht told me “Now I know exactly where I stand with you prioritywise.” Wow. That one cut worse than I thought that it would. I don’t understand why such sharp words have to be used. Where HE is prioritywise????? What the heck! I can count on both hands how many times he has put me as the priority in his life.
Oh well, enough talking about H. I don’t mean to slander him. I am just done. I am just scared to death that this is all going to explode sometime.