This weekend I unpacked our Christmas decor. As I pulled the items out of the boxes, I was flooded with memories. I know where I got each and every single decoration. I know if it was a gift or if it was purchased by me.
It is amazing the affect that memories can have on you. They can bring good or bad emotions. I was slightly shocked with the emotion that came out during the unpacking of my Christmas. I had left a fair amount of my Christmas for my first husband to have. I left them because they brought up memories to me of when we were together and I didn’t necessarily want to bring those with me and knew that they would mean more to him than they would to me.
This time as I looked at the decorations, I was hit with a new set of memories and more resentment came out than I was anticipating. I found the stockings that I had made. I made them for my new family. I went shopping for the fabric with my mother in law at the time and thought about each person and bought fabric that specifically catered to everybody’s personality. I cut them out and had my mother in law help me sew them. I was so excited to have a big family with seven kids and to all have matching stockings.
When I pulled the stockings out, they had lost their character and luster. I had four stockings. My ex must have taken the rest. The ones that were left were not the ones intended for my children. I found myself being resentful that something that I had put so much heart and soul into had resulted in such bitterness.
I found an ornament that my ex had made with all of our names on it. It was such a sweet gesture at the time and I loved it. My kids saw it and asked if they could put it back in the box and not put it up. I felt bad that I had dragged my children through such a tumultuous situation and through a second divorce.
In order to spring board my mood into something a little less Bah Humbug, I have been trying really hard to figure out what I could do with what I already have to make it new. I wanted to do something totally different that wouldn’t conjure up negative memories from my past and help me focus on the magic of the season with my children.
This year, we are going to really kick this holiday season into gear. I am going to take what I have and use my creativity and put it all together to come up with a whole new look. I am in charge of decorating for our faculty Christmas party and we are going for a Dr. Seuss Christmas. I LOVED the idea and have most of the stuff to do it. So…. I am going to incorporate it into my home and make it look magical.
I am so looking forward to giving us all a brand new Christmas as us. Our little family. Just the way we are.