Last night I laid in bed for hours in that horrible place that lies between sleep and awake. It is that uncomfortable state of too tired to function, but your brain is racing so much that you can’t sleep. My mind was a racing hurricane of anxiety, stress and deep anticipation of the day to come. I had been preparing all summer for this position, yet I felt so completely lost in so many ways.
I had the laundry done and the clothes for the boys laid out including socks and shoes. I had purchased lunch materials, yet left the making of lunches was left for this morning, as my children can somehow tell if they are made the night before and do not like them and have made their stand over it. I had packed my bags and put them near the door.
However, there were a million things that I was not prepared for. What was I going to wear? I have tired to lay my clothes out the night before, and that never works. I always change my mind the next day. I wish I was different. I calculated in my head what time I would have to wake up in order to shower, do my hair and make-up, make the lunches and still be able to get the kids up and ready to go. Then, I started to stress that I wouldn’t hear my alarm or that my phone (that doubles as my alarm clock) would malfunction.
Although I do not teach this week, we are doing other things this week with the middle school groups. I still have prep to do as I am coming up with a whole new curriculum. I have a classroom to work on. I have to learn what this whole IB school philosophy is all about.
All I know is that once this day is over, I know that the anxiety will lessen substantially. I look forward to that.